The last 15 months has been a time of trusting God in ways I never imagined and leaning on the things I definitely know for sure. After a non-related surgery on May 1, 2014, I have not gone to sleep on my own. I always thought that eventually my body would get tired enough to go to sleep after awhile if I had a sleepless or restless night, but I have found I cannot get to sleep without a prescription medicine. Instead I lay there in the pre-sleep state and start to have hallucinations. Sometimes the hallucinations are easily explainable or dismissable. The most recent funny one was a very loud ship’s foghorn. Since I live 2 hours from the beach, I am pretty sure that was a hallucination!
While on another sleep medicine, several times each night I would hear my front door unlock, open and the sound of people walking in my living room, kitchen and toward my bedroom. As any wise person with cats, I would look at them curled up with me when I heard the sound to see if they had looked up also. Since Willow Lee will run to the kitchen anytime anyone heads that direction just in case they may be kind and give her a kibble or bit in her bowl, she has been the best to gauge whether someone has walked in. Only once when I heard someone walking in my home did she get up and run to the kitchen. I also came out of my bedroom quickly with my baseball bat in hand ready to do serious Louisville Slugger damage to someone, but it was all a hallucination. I guess it was for her also.
I know I sound crazy, and there have been times I have seriously wondered if I was going crazy when I could not sleep, and all these thoughts have run through my head. I have to repeat to myself the verse that God will keep me in perfect peace if my mind is steadfast in Him (Isaiah 26:3). I have prayed a lot of prayers during this sleeplessness, and I know that is my best use of that time. I also know God has a purpose in my insomnia and He will not waste it if I trust Him. I am grateful for that. Maybe spending time in prayer is the blessing in the insomnia.